What Does a Financially Flexible Life Really Look Like?

When people ask what a financially flexible life actually looks like, I often think back to a dream I carried for more than twenty years.

I moved to Aotearoa (New Zealand) as a young adult. I thought I was collecting travel memories. Instead, I was building lifelong friendships that have become some of my greatest taonga, treasures that continue to enrich my life decades later. Looking back, I realize I was beginning a haerenga, a journey, that would shape how I think about community, money, and what it means to live well.

And one of the greatest things I hoped was that one day, if I had a whanau (family) of my own, I could bring them here.

That dream quietly sat in the background while I built a career, became a mother, created two businesses, and established a life in California. But something special was available to us; my husband, through his job, was able to retire at 50. It felt distant for several reasons: it was more than 10 years away, and it was a different experience from either of our family histories. My husband didn’t hate work; he loved the option to retire early to pursue his many, many personal interests. We talked about this opportunity early and often in our relationship.

Through years of intentional planning, investing, and living below our means, we designed a life centered around:

Choice.

One of the reasons I created the Financially Flexible Method™ is that I don’t believe people can budget their way out of poverty, hustle their way into peace, or optimize themselves into a meaningful life. Money always exists within relationships, communities, systems, and our nervous systems. Financial flexibility isn’t about controlling every outcome. It’s about creating enough stability, adaptability, and support to make values-based choices, even when life remains uncertain.

Can Coast FI Really Allow You to Move Abroad?

The short answer? Yes! But probably not in the way social media portrays it.

Our family had reached Coast FI. We also have my husband’s pension and my ability to work remotely through my psychotherapy and coaching businesses. This meant we weren’t dependent on one income source. More importantly, we weren’t dependent on perfection. In fact, before leaving, we had an important conversation:

What if our California home doesn’t rent?

The answer surprised even me. We would go anyway. Because there are seasons in life where so many things align that waiting for perfect no longer makes sense. Our parents were medically stable. Our son was young enough that his schooling would not be significantly disrupted. My businesses were portable. And the dream had been waiting for over twenty years. Sometimes, financial freedom isn’t the absence of risk. It’s having enough flexibility to choose what matters despite uncertainty.

How Did We Afford an Eight-Month Move to New Zealand?

This is one of the most common questions I receive. The reality is less glamorous than people imagine. We rented our California home furnished for seven of the eight months we would be away. Even then, the rent did not fully cover our costs. We still pay approximately $1,000 above our mortgage each month. We chose that. Because not every meaningful life experience needs to be financially efficient, that idea may sound radical in a culture obsessed with optimization. But part of my approach to money is questioning whether every decision must prioritize productivity, accumulation, and measurable return. Sometimes the return is relational. Sometimes it’s joy. Sometimes it’s watching your child develop confidence in another country. Sometimes it’s simply living the life you’ve spent decades building toward.

The Logistics No One Talks About

The month before leaving was exhausting. We stored 122 boxes. Again and again, we experienced manaakitanga—the generosity, hospitality, and care that is so deeply woven into life at home and waiting for us in New Zealand. We dropped our cars off with family members. My nephew took over lawn care. My sister became our point person in California if anything happened at the house. My friend rented us the house next door. My son’s school welcomed him with flexibility and kindness. None of this happened because we planned perfectly. It happened because people showed up for us. There were repairs. Decluttering. Packing. Paperwork. My son mostly avoided the chaos. Honestly, I don’t blame him. Moving internationally is exciting. It’s also a tremendous amount of invisible labor. Which is why I think it’s important to talk openly about partnership.

How Do Couples Navigate Big Lifestyle Changes?

This move wasn’t my dream alone. It was a family decision. And that required ongoing conversations about roles, contributions, and expectations. When my husband retired, one of our goals was for him to take over more of the household planning and mental load. As many women know, especially those raised in patriarchal systems, invisible labor can quietly become unequal. I had spent years organizing, managing schedules, planning, and carrying much of the cognitive load. Retirement created an opportunity to redistribute some of that responsibility. Has it been perfect? Absolutely not. We are still figuring it out. But financial flexibility is not simply about money. It’s about creating enough room to renegotiate the systems in your home so everyone can thrive.

How Did Our Son Adapt to Moving Abroad?

Better than I imagined. And more slowly than I hoped. He didn’t immediately say yes to moving. But he didn’t say no either. He needed time. That felt important to honor. As someone with a neuro-affirming perspective, I don’t believe transitions should be rushed simply because adults are excited. Big changes require processing. As someone who practices from a neuro-affirming perspective, I know there isn’t one “right” way to experience transition. Some children leap into change. Others need time to observe, ask questions, and slowly build a sense of safety. Rather than pushing excitement, we tried to honor my son’s pace. Ironically, giving him that space may have made the transition easier. People adapt differently. Today, he rides his bike and scooter around our beach village. He walks to the library. Gets fish and chips with friends. Visits his mates. And enjoys a level of independence that feels increasingly rare. Watching his confidence grow has been one of the greatest gifts of this experience.

Was I Ever Afraid We’d Made the Wrong Decision?

One of the biggest surprises is that I wasn’t actually worried about leaving California. I knew what New Zealand had given me twenty years earlier. I trusted that it would nourish me again. What I worried about was my husband and my son. Would they find their people? Would they enjoy the slower pace? Would this feel like my dream instead of ours? Those questions stayed with me right up until we boarded the plane and a few months afterwards.

Looking back, I realize those worries weren’t really about geography. They were about relationships.

As someone who approaches life through a relational lens, I don’t think meaningful decisions happen in isolation. A move isn’t successful because one person gets what they want. It succeeds when everyone has room to adapt, contribute, and find their own sense of belonging. Watching my husband join pickleball, make friends, help friends with projects, and settle into retirement in his own way has been a gift. Watching my son be greeted by classmates and him greet neighbors while out and about, ask for playdates and sleepovers, and want to be part of the thread of the community has been even more meaningful. It reminded me that sometimes the greatest gift we can give the people we love isn’t certainty, it’s opportunity.

What Is It Really Like Living in New Zealand as an American?

Profoundly. One moment stands out. Our parked car was hit. My American nervous system immediately activated. Insurance. Liability. Worst-case scenarios. But a few locals simply said, “Mate, call a tow truck. Insurance will sort it.”  And they did. No drama. No endless bureaucracy. No fighting. My body relaxed in a way I didn’t realize it needed to. That experience reminded me that wellbeing isn’t solely internal. It is relational. It is environmental. It is cultural. And the systems we live within profoundly affect our nervous systems.

What Has This Experience Taught Me About Wealth?

I thought financial flexibility meant having options. I still believe that. But now I think it means something more. I feel incredibly wealthy here. Not because I spend extravagantly. But because I have lifelong friendships. A best friend who rented us the house next door. A community of friends. Time to walk by the ocean every day. Weekly dates with my husband. A son who is thriving. As someone who practices from an anti-patriarchal and relational lens, I believe wealth must include these things. Connection. Belonging. Care. Rest. Community. Adventure. And as someone who practices from a neuro-affirming lens, I reject the idea that there is one right way to build a life. Financial freedom is not about optimizing yourself into exhaustion. It is about creating systems, relationships, and choices that support who you actually are. And the hapori (community) we’ve been welcomed back into has reminded me that wealth isn’t measured only by assets. It’s measured by who shows up when you need them, who invites you in, and who helps you feel like you belong.

That idea runs counter to many of the messages we’ve inherited, especially in cultures that reward constant productivity, optimization, and accumulation. My anti-patriarchal lens invites me to ask a different question: What if money exists to support life rather than life existing to support work?

In summary, when people ask me what this experience has taught me, I don’t think first about exchange rates, visas, or budgets. I think about whānau. I think about hapori. I think about manaakitanga. Those words capture something I’ve struggled to explain for years. They remind me that financial flexibility isn’t simply about having enough money. It’s about creating enough space to invest in the people, places, and experiences that become your greatest taonga. That’s the kind of wealth I’m trying to build.

Has Living in New Zealand Changed Me?

This isn’t the first time New Zealand has changed my life. Twenty years ago, Aotearoa quietly taught me to slow down, value relationships, embrace adventure, and find richness in ordinary moments. I didn’t fully appreciate it then, but those lessons shaped how I eventually lived back in California. Coming back has reminded me how easily we slip into busyness without questioning it. Here, my daily goal isn’t productivity. It’s often as simple as walking to “check” on the ocean. Sometimes I bike the coastal trail. Sometimes I watch the sunset from the esplanade. Sometimes I simply stand two blocks from home and listen to the waves. Those moments don’t earn me money. They don’t appear on a résumé. But they are part of the wealth I worked so hard to create.

What Would I Do Differently If I Moved Abroad Again?

Quite a few things. I’d buy travel insurance before leaving the United States instead of assuming, “I’ll sort that out once we get there.” (Spoiler alert: that’s much harder than it sounds.) I’d start decluttering months earlier instead of discovering that, apparently, we owned enough random household items to fill 122 storage boxes. One hundred and twenty-two. I still don’t know where half of it came from. At some point, I started wondering if our belongings had been quietly multiplying while we slept. I’d also schedule fewer commitments during the month before departure. I grossly underestimated how physically and emotionally draining it would be to prepare a home, pack up a life, become temporary landlords, complete visa paperwork, and still try to function like a normal human.

And maybe, just maybe, I would remember that “keeping this because we might need it in seven months” is how you end up staring at a storage unit, wondering why you packed three extension cords, a random collection of chargers that fit nothing you currently own, and enough reusable shopping bags to open a small grocery store. Then again, perhaps every international move comes with a little chaos. Maybe the goal isn’t to do it perfectly. Maybe it’s simply to laugh, ask for help, and remember that flexibility is far more valuable than perfection.

Benefits of the Financially Flexible Method™

The Financially Flexible Method™ was born from these experiences and from my work as a Financial Therapist and coach. Rather than focusing solely on budgets, investments, or financial independence, the method helps people assess their current relationship with money, align financial decisions with their values, and take meaningful action toward the life they want to create.

Clients often experience reduced financial anxiety, greater confidence with decision-making, improved communication around money, and a deeper sense of freedom, whether they are navigating a major life transition, considering Coast FI, preparing for retirement, or simply trying to build a more intentional life. Because ultimately, financial flexibility isn’t about having the perfect plan. It’s about building a life that bends with you.

Ready to Build Your Own Financially Flexible Life?

In addition to lifestyle and financial flexibility coaching through My Financially Flexible Life, I offer Financial Wellness Coaching, Strategy Sprints, Financial Flexibility Intensives, and educational workshops designed to help individuals, couples, and entrepreneurs create lives aligned with their values.

I also provide psychotherapy through Koru Financial Therapy for California residents seeking deeper healing around financial trauma, anxiety, life transitions, money and relationships, ADHD, and emotional wellbeing.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Planning a move abroad or wondering what financial flexibility could look like for your family? Here are a few of the questions I get asked most often.

Can you move to New Zealand after reaching Coast FI?

Yes, depending on your financial situation and visa eligibility. For our family, reaching Coast FI, combined with a pension and remote work, created the financial flexibility to prioritize a life experience without waiting until traditional retirement.

How much money do you need for an eight-month stay in New Zealand?

There isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer. Your budget will depend on housing, location, travel, healthcare, and whether you’re earning income while abroad. For us, renting out our California home and maintaining remote work helped offset many of the costs.

Can you work remotely while living in New Zealand?

It depends on your visa and employment situation. I continued seeing psychotherapy and coaching clients remotely while living in New Zealand, which allowed me to maintain my practice while embracing a different lifestyle.

What is a financially flexible life?

A financially flexible life is one where money supports your values rather than dictates your choices. It means building enough financial stability, adaptability, and resilience to navigate life’s transitions while investing in what matters most—relationships, wellbeing, and meaningful experiences.

What is Coast FI?

Coast FI is a financial independence milestone where your existing investments are expected to grow enough to fund retirement without requiring additional retirement contributions. This can provide greater flexibility to reduce work, pursue different opportunities, or design a life that better aligns with your values.

Is financial flexibility the same as financial freedom?

Not quite. Financial freedom often focuses on reaching a financial destination, while financial flexibility emphasizes the ability to adapt, make values-based decisions, and create options throughout every stage of life—not just in retirement.

How can financial wellness coaching help during a major life transition?

Financial wellness coaching helps you align your financial decisions with your personal values, navigate uncertainty, and build confidence during transitions such as retirement, relocation, career changes, divorce, or becoming an empty nester. Rather than focusing only on numbers, it considers the emotional, relational, and practical aspects of money.

About the Author

Mariah Hudler, MSW, MBA, CFT™ is a Financial Wellness Coach and founder of My Financially Flexible Life and Koru Financial Therapy. Through a systems-aware, relational, and neuro-affirming lens, she helps individuals, couples, and entrepreneurs heal their relationship with money, increase financial flexibility, and build financial freedom on their terms. She currently splits her time between California and New Zealand with her husband, son, and an enduring love of beaches, adventure, and fish and chips.